A chapter of my life - Some people say time heals everything. But a friend of mine suggests writing to ease the pain. So here's a story to help me ease the pain. Been married for almost a year but the one we're waiting for not yet here.
I always believe that God has a better plan for us. Maybe, He wants us to be happy, to travel around, enjoy our time, loving each other before we have a baby :)
But the pressure from surroundings, their questions, their judgments, got me so stressed. We even went to the doctor to check what could be wrong. Turns out there's a problem.
Then all the stresses, not only from this but also from work stress and family matters, results in depression. I hurt myself.
Day by day finally I can go through the depressing time with help from friends and of course hubs. I got to the point that I delete my IG because it's too toxic for me.
With those, you won't be able to imagine how happy I am when I finally saw those two lines. It's like a dream come true. Like our prayer finally got answered.
We really took care of kakak baby. Yes, we give him a nickname. We're just soo happy. Hubs even stop me from doing all the housework so I won't be too tired.
Every night hubs and I talked about kakak baby. How we're going to take care of him. Hubs always caress kakak baby before he went to sleep.
We feel so excited after getting back from the doctor. It's our 2nd time, the 1st time we weren't able to see anything. It should be 6 weeks but the sac is still little in size of 4 weeks. I feel a little bit worry but the doctor said we'll see again in 2 weeks.
The next day after we went to the doctor, I got some brown discharge but my friends said it was normal I should just have bed rest. Due to corona, there was no school. Only the teacher would have a meeting. So, I thought it's good for me so I can rest more.
That day, the teachers had a meeting on the 4th floor and we have to use stairs. I chose to stay at home and join the meeting through a video call. I sat for 3 hours straight because I felt I was already okay.
However, suddenly I have bleedings. Blood and lumps of blood were everywhere. It was so hurt I almost faint.
I can only cry and try to endure the pain. I can remember the feeling of terrified that something will happen to kakak baby.
Mom tried to call the hospital but the doctor will be in the hospital at 6. I bleed for almost 4 hours. Finally I got to the hospital and they did small surgery to take things from me. It eases the pain but my body feels different and I realize kakak baby is not there anymore.
When we met the doctor she said I have a miscarriage. That kakak baby is not there. My womb already cleaned.
She asked me to have bed rest for 1-2 weeks. The first days were the worst. I keep crying and feeling lost. I can only eat in my bed, drink medicine, and sleep.
ow 1 week has passed, I finally off the medicine and can walk around the house. But the pain of missing kakak baby is not gone. Even though it was just 2 weeks that I knew he was there, I feel he was mine.
They say he does not yet have a soul but I'd like to believe he's already alive. It's just he not ready to meet us. See you on the other side, kakak baby. We love you :')
Harapan kami di tahun 2020 ini untuk menimang buah hati harus kami pendam. Lewat liku-liku kesedihan yang kami alami dan berbagai usaha yang udah kami lewati, akhirnya dua garis itu nampak, yang bikin kami seketika ngerasa sangat bahagia. Bahagia banget kalo ingat kerasnya usaha yang sudah dilakuin.
Dan ketika akhirnya istri harus keguguran, kami merasa sangat sedih, gue pun sedih, tapi gue yakin istri gue lah yang paling ngerasa terpukul.
Tapi ada sebuah hikmah dibalik peristiwa ini, jauh sebelum menikah gue kayaknya adalah orang yang jarang bikin bahagia orang-orang di sekitar gue, khususnya orang tua gue, jauh banget kalo dibandingin sama adek-adek gue yang lebih nurut dan lebih ngebanggain.
Tapi, waktu gue ngabarin istri gue hamil, seketika terlihat raut muka bahagia yang ditunjukkan kedua orang tua gue. Raut muka bahagia yang mereka tampakkan kali ini berkali-kali lipat menunjukkan bahwa mereka sangat bahagia.
Dari sini gue sadar, bahwa "gue juga bisa bahagiain orang tua gue, bahkan dengan cara yang sangat sederhana, yang sebenernya semua orang juga bisa", orang tua gue akan bahagia ketika ngeliat gue bisa hidup dan menghidupi keluarga gue dengan bahagia.
Semoga setelah ini, kami kembali diberikan amanah untuk memiliki sang buah hati. Dan kali ini, kami akan menjaga erat amanah itu.
Rest In Peace, Kaka baby :')
17032020
I always believe that God has a better plan for us. Maybe, He wants us to be happy, to travel around, enjoy our time, loving each other before we have a baby :)
But the pressure from surroundings, their questions, their judgments, got me so stressed. We even went to the doctor to check what could be wrong. Turns out there's a problem.
Then all the stresses, not only from this but also from work stress and family matters, results in depression. I hurt myself.
Day by day finally I can go through the depressing time with help from friends and of course hubs. I got to the point that I delete my IG because it's too toxic for me.
With those, you won't be able to imagine how happy I am when I finally saw those two lines. It's like a dream come true. Like our prayer finally got answered.
We really took care of kakak baby. Yes, we give him a nickname. We're just soo happy. Hubs even stop me from doing all the housework so I won't be too tired.
Every night hubs and I talked about kakak baby. How we're going to take care of him. Hubs always caress kakak baby before he went to sleep.
We feel so excited after getting back from the doctor. It's our 2nd time, the 1st time we weren't able to see anything. It should be 6 weeks but the sac is still little in size of 4 weeks. I feel a little bit worry but the doctor said we'll see again in 2 weeks.
The next day after we went to the doctor, I got some brown discharge but my friends said it was normal I should just have bed rest. Due to corona, there was no school. Only the teacher would have a meeting. So, I thought it's good for me so I can rest more.
That day, the teachers had a meeting on the 4th floor and we have to use stairs. I chose to stay at home and join the meeting through a video call. I sat for 3 hours straight because I felt I was already okay.
However, suddenly I have bleedings. Blood and lumps of blood were everywhere. It was so hurt I almost faint.
I can only cry and try to endure the pain. I can remember the feeling of terrified that something will happen to kakak baby.
Mom tried to call the hospital but the doctor will be in the hospital at 6. I bleed for almost 4 hours. Finally I got to the hospital and they did small surgery to take things from me. It eases the pain but my body feels different and I realize kakak baby is not there anymore.
When we met the doctor she said I have a miscarriage. That kakak baby is not there. My womb already cleaned.
She asked me to have bed rest for 1-2 weeks. The first days were the worst. I keep crying and feeling lost. I can only eat in my bed, drink medicine, and sleep.
ow 1 week has passed, I finally off the medicine and can walk around the house. But the pain of missing kakak baby is not gone. Even though it was just 2 weeks that I knew he was there, I feel he was mine.
They say he does not yet have a soul but I'd like to believe he's already alive. It's just he not ready to meet us. See you on the other side, kakak baby. We love you :')
Harapan kami di tahun 2020 ini untuk menimang buah hati harus kami pendam. Lewat liku-liku kesedihan yang kami alami dan berbagai usaha yang udah kami lewati, akhirnya dua garis itu nampak, yang bikin kami seketika ngerasa sangat bahagia. Bahagia banget kalo ingat kerasnya usaha yang sudah dilakuin.
Dan ketika akhirnya istri harus keguguran, kami merasa sangat sedih, gue pun sedih, tapi gue yakin istri gue lah yang paling ngerasa terpukul.
Tapi ada sebuah hikmah dibalik peristiwa ini, jauh sebelum menikah gue kayaknya adalah orang yang jarang bikin bahagia orang-orang di sekitar gue, khususnya orang tua gue, jauh banget kalo dibandingin sama adek-adek gue yang lebih nurut dan lebih ngebanggain.
Tapi, waktu gue ngabarin istri gue hamil, seketika terlihat raut muka bahagia yang ditunjukkan kedua orang tua gue. Raut muka bahagia yang mereka tampakkan kali ini berkali-kali lipat menunjukkan bahwa mereka sangat bahagia.
Dari sini gue sadar, bahwa "gue juga bisa bahagiain orang tua gue, bahkan dengan cara yang sangat sederhana, yang sebenernya semua orang juga bisa", orang tua gue akan bahagia ketika ngeliat gue bisa hidup dan menghidupi keluarga gue dengan bahagia.
Semoga setelah ini, kami kembali diberikan amanah untuk memiliki sang buah hati. Dan kali ini, kami akan menjaga erat amanah itu.
Rest In Peace, Kaka baby :')
17032020
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